Whelp I'm still pregnant! I will be 40 weeks tomorrow!

Here's a quick update on what has gone on in the last week:

• I knitted 3 baby hats: one for my nephew that was just born, one for a friend in the ward who had her baby, and one for Henry! Here's Henry's:

• I passed the time with video games. I should also mention that as much as I have always loved video games, now that I am a "responsible adult," I simply refuse to play unless I have absolutely nothing to do and I am for whatever reason confined to a couch. I have been confined to a couch during some episodes of nausea and when that happens, I turn on my old and perfectly functional PS2 and play me some Harvest Moon or Final Fantasy. Lately, I've started a new record on Final Fantasy X which has been a serious time passer - which I love.

• We did some deep cleaning around the house and Andrew washed and vacuumed both of the cars.

• Andrew made fun of me:

• We relished in Andrew's newly acquired train set:

• My perfectly perfect nephew, Alexander Harrison Stoker, was born on Sunday:

• And we went to my 40 week doctor's appointment today where I was told I have a "less than favorable cervix" and that I am only 1 cm dilated. Poopy. I also had my membranes stripped which can sometimes help induce labor.

As far as being pregnant goes, it seems that the swelling has gone down some and the only time I am really physically uncomfortable is when I sleep at night. Right now the big issue has been a rash on my abdomen that has sprouted up quickly. I realized that my belly was abnormally itchy and I felt little bumps hiding in the newest stretch marks. It's pretty crazy how 3 weeks ago, I had no stretch marks on my belly at all and now it looks like a gaping eye sore! The skin is raw and sensitive and red. It's adorable, I'm telling you! :) I've been putting anti-itch ointment on it which helps some. The doctor said that if it gets progressively worse and out of control this week, they will move my induction up. I am convinced that he is coming this week, however! I am going to get a blessing* tonight and I think that will do it. I really don't feel like I'm having unrealistic expectations whatsoever. I honestly just feel like it's coming but not without me putting forth my effort and having faith. I have complete faith. I feel like my uncertainty and fears have been cast aside. He is coming. If for whatever reason he doesn't come this week, I will be just fine because Andrew's mom gets here tomorrow and it will be so much fun having her around to keep me distracted!

Anyway, I'm a little shocked with how calm and at peace I feel today (despite being very nauseous). I don't feel extremely uncomfortable anymore! It's sublime! I know it will all be worth it and it will come. I will not be pregnant forever.

*In my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or "Mormon") we can request blessings for health purposes and for comfort purposes. They can only be performed by worthy male members that hold the Melchizedek priesthood. Visit www.lds.org for more information.

A little uncertainty...

I am finally settled into being huge and uncomfortable. I'm used to it and part of me has accepted that I will be pregnant forever and I'm okay with that (even though I know it's not the case). I've had some rough days since my last post but I've finally accepted that as the "norm." Right now my main discomforts are hip pain (feels like I have 2 massive bruises on each hip which makes sleeping painful, especially since I can't lay on my back or stomach), knee pain (my poor knees can't adjust to the big belly), and swollen and sore feet (I can only wear flip flops now).

Here are a few highlights from this last week:

• Andrew gave me homemade origami flowers for Mother's Day, one from him and one from baby. (Keep in mind that this was probably the first time he's ever done origami so it was very cute and unexpected and took him quite a while to do). He also got me a Jello no-bake cookies and cream dessert.

• I cried over Cafe Rio: Andrew went with on a stake youth temple trip to work on the temple grounds (which is about 45 minutes away) and they stopped at Cafe Rio before they came home. He asked if I wanted him to pick something up for me and I said yes thinking he'd be home within the next 45 minutes or so, not knowing that they were still next to the temple. Once an hour and a half passed of me obsessing over the concept of having Cafe Rio, and he still wasn't home, I realized that too much time had passed and I felt too uncomfortable eating food that had been left out for that long, especially being pregnant. (How horrible would it be if I got food poisoning on top of feeling so uncomfortable already?) I balled for a good 20 minutes before he got home. By the time he got home, it had been 2 hours since he got the food. I was fully aware that I was acting clinically insane and I am very grateful he was so patient with me during this tumultuous event as I was not pleasant.

• We got our car seat inspected and went on a date to a hobby shop so Andrew could look at model trains. You may think "nerd" but I think "adorable."

• We received 2 meals from our neighbor, Dee. I've still been able to cook but her food had been delicious and we've enjoyed it so much! She is the nicest neighbor ever!

• I knitted my first entire scarf! I won't post pictures because it's a gift for someone who happens to read my blog on occasion. :) It's a surprise but I am very pleased with the result and I hope they will be, too!

• We're still going on frequent walks and I also bounce on my birthing ball daily. I'm not the only one using the birthing ball, however...

Andrew likes to sit on it while he studies/does homework. Also, you'll notice that he is wearing a coat. The poor Florida boy is always cold and having a wife who is pregnant/constantly-in-a-sauna only means he has had to endure harsher conditions!

• After a long night last night of getting only 3 hours of sleep due to hip pain, I was still able to get up bright and early to go to my doctor's appointment today! Here's a brief explanation of how it went and my thoughts about it:

I haven't fully effaced yet, but I've started dilating! The doctor said that I am almost a centimeter! Not much but still, it's something! I also discussed with her the prospect of an induction. I posted on facebook last night asking for insight on what my friends with children think about induction and got a host of  helpful responses. I have also been praying the last few months that I won't have to worry about an induction, and that I will have a natural delivery with my husband and my mother-in-law by my side. But, I am afraid that it might not happen this way. I went ahead and scheduled an induction for the 25th but somehow I do not feel right about it. The doctor even offered to induce me within the next week but I definitely don't want that. I have ten days to decide if I should go with it or not! If I decide not to, I will wait until midway through the 41st week to induce. As much as I want a natural delivery more than anything, I do not want the baby to get too big to push out and have to get a c-section. Out of all the options before me, that terrifies me the most. I am also aware that the chances of a c-section increase with induced labor so I have so much to think about. I'm trying not to think about it too much now because I'm just hoping it will all happen naturally and I still have time! Although I've done a lot of reading and asking around, my main source of decision making is and always will be prayer. If anyone knows what and how it will happen, it's God. He knows what is best for me and my baby. Ultimately, if that means waiting until 42 weeks and having a c-section, I will do it. 

Anyway, I just got back from my appointment and hopped right back into my pajamas! (I'm not a lazy bum, I'm just trying to preserve my maternity clothes). Here's a belly picture of me at 39 weeks:

Here's to the longest waiting game of my life!

Days like today...

I feel I need to report on what's happening today. I feel amazing. I woke up feeling no pain, no discomfort, no heaviness... It's almost as if I don't feel pregnant at all! I just have the manifestation of a big belly telling me that I am. It's days like today I truly enjoy being pregnant. It's days like today that refresh my patience meter and keep me going until baby is ready to come.

I was mentioning to Andrew last night that I have never experienced anything difficult that I can't take a break from. When I have experienced stressful situations, I can walk away and collect myself and head right back in to deal with it. When I'm depressed or downtrodden, I can find ways to distract myself or do things to momentarily forget. Pregnancy is just one of those things where it's with you every minute of every day. It's wonderful and miraculous but sometimes when you are bogged down with hormones and so uncomfortable with nothing to relieve the discomfort, you want to cry.

However, I forgot about days like today. I don't know how it happens because usually my body is sore in the morning from sleeping and I have to take baths in the early morning to relieve some of the aches and pains. But somehow sometimes I wake up and feel... **sigh** nothing. I feel **sigh** normal. And it. is. awesome.

I should also mention that this morning, I got out letters that Andrew and I both wrote last year on 4/9/11 to the baby we would someday have. I wasn't even pregnant yet! It sure was fun revisiting those letters now that I am due any day.

Anyway, I am not forgetting today! It's a great day and I'm excited that Andrew's done with classes (finals next week) and our baby is healthy and almost here. Hello, weekend!

The time is close at hand...

Hello, friends! I don't know if you could tell by the picture but I am pregnant! 38 weeks pregnant to be exact...

What has happened since my last post? 

Intense episodes of contractions... 

Incredible variability in energy levels... 

Some knitting...

Some bouncing on a birthing ball...

Reading labor and delivery blog posts (if you were pregnant once and you have a blog, you can bet that I read about your labor and delivery... stalker much?)

Cooking...

Cleaning...

Daily walks...

My first noteworthy episode of contractions happened last week on Friday night. I had contractions for an hour and they were roughly 2-3 minutes apart and lasted for only 30 seconds or so. They stopped and then I had a few here and there but then last night I had 2 hours of contractions that were 5-7 minutes apart and lasted between 30-60 seconds. For those of you who are pregnant now or hope to be someday, here's how I describe contractions. At least, here's how I describe the ones I have felt so far:

First of all, there are 2 types of contractions: Braxton Hicks contractions, and "real" contractions... Braxton Hicks contractions are like "mock" contractions that can be felt even during the second trimester. They serve to prep your body for the real contractions and labor to come. Usually they are not painful. Mine, however, have become more painful. You know you are having a Braxton Hicks if your stomach is ROCK HARD. I feel like I can knock on it and it will actually make a sound! Sometimes they feel like charlie horses involving your whole belly - ouch! I have only felt them get that intense a few times.

"Real" contractions, as far as what I have felt at this point (they are supposed to get more intense the closer you get) are different. They are like menstrual cramps but definitely more intense. They also spread across more area and the pain intensifies around your cervix. It's weird because once you feel a contraction, you learn to know exactly where your cervix is because you can feel the pressure and the tension all culminate in that one little doughnut shaped spot. I can't explain it further because the more intense ones don't allow me to just sit and try and evaluate how it feels, rather, they involve me yelling "ow ow ow" and bending over or grabbing the nearest wall or piece of furniture.

I love feeling them so far - even though they are somewhat painful. Last night we ran around the house cleaning up and doing some packing just in case. False alarm! I have no intention of going to the hospital unless I feel 100% sure that it is go time.

We had a doctor's appointment today. I was bummed to find out that even after all of my contractions and discomfort over the last week that I have not progressed at all! Still 50% effaced... Zero dilation... Bummer! But after I told the doctor about all the contractions I have been having, he said he wouldn't be surprised if the baby came this week. He also said that if by my next appointment (next Tuesday) there is no baby, we can schedule an induction. I want to avoid an induction at all costs but I also have to accept the fact that I have a window in which we need the baby to come so it may come to that. If the baby hasn't come by the due date, I want to be induced between 40 and 41 weeks. This allows me to say with confidence that I will have a baby this month.

Anyway, that's about it. Perhaps my next post will be about a little baby Henry? 

Honesty time...

Now that I am approaching the end of my pregnancy, I thought it might be a good idea to make a few lists that express things I have learned/felt these last 9 months:

What I have learned:

• Although it seems that the time, change, and energy to create a life is ridiculously challenging, it still doesn't measure up to the price of a life.
• Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart. So, if you have a "faint heart" like I did, be prepared to be humbled when you become pregnant.
• You are not the only one struggling through the pregnancy - your husband is, too and he needs to be appreciated and loved for being so patient and accommodating.
• Morning sickness is too fluffy of a term.
• There is little to no dignity in pregnancy.
• Oddly enough, pregnancy has taught me more about self-worth than anything else.
• Being pregnant gives you the opportunity to be on the receiving end of unforgettable kindness and service.
• 9 months will never drag on longer than when you are pregnant.
• In my earlier months of pregnancy, I went through so much anxiety about the healthy development of my baby. I learned to depend upon God completely and have complete faith that it was in His hands and whatever happened was His will for me and my family. 
• In the right conditions (a healthy marriage), a pregnancy can bring you and your spouse even closer together.
• This child is ours forever. No matter what happens, because of our temple marriage, he is sealed to us for time and all eternity.

The things I will miss from being pregnant:

• Knowing that the safest place for your child is inside you. It feels like an incredible godly trust
• Having an excuse to indulge cravings
• The excitement of the impending addition to your family and the discussion of your hopes and dreams for your child
• Seeing your belly shift and move and watching it grow bigger everyday (especially in the last month)
• Being constantly asked how you are doing and feeling
• Not having to wear a coat when it's cold outside because baby keeps you warm
• Hearing a heart beat inside of you that is not your own
• Having a constant excuse to call upon God for help, endurance and perseverance 

Things I will not miss from being pregnant:

• Insomnia
• Morning sickness so bad you want to cry all the time (like having the flu for months)
• Going to the bathroom at night every 1 1/2 to 2 hours (which has been happening for 6 months straight)
• Hair falling out
• Skin breakouts
• Long dark hair sprouting on your chin and neck (I told you, this is honesty time)
• Numbers on the scale you never thought you would ever see
• Swelling
• The ongoing cycle of stretch marks appearing, depressing you, fading away, and new ones taking their place
• Waiting and waiting
• Hormones from the high heavens
• Back pain, hip pain, joint pain, foot pain
• Heartburn and acid reflux
• The weight of it all
• Feeling like your body doesn't belong to you ever
• Rude and/or inappropriate advice which usually comes from old people (I'm all for polite and appropriate advice!)
• Fatigue
• Waddling/walking slow
• Being too hot, frequent night sweats
• Having your body kicked and prodded from the inside

Seeing the incredibly fast change in my body during my pregnancy (weight gain, especially) could easily depress me but I have chosen to be proud of how I look and how far I have come, rather than get discouraged by comparing myself to other "skinnier" and what I deem as "prettier" pregnant women. All bodies are different and every woman's body handles pregnancy differently. I have chosen to be unafraid about showing people what I look like to demonstrate that pregnancy can be a beautiful and empowering thing if you approach it from the right perspective. On bad days when I get discouraged, I pretend I am my best girlfriend and tell myself a) remember how badly you wanted this? b) since when has comparing ourselves to others ever yielded the appropriate response? c) girl, you got it going on and you are beautiful d) this isn't going to last forever and e) it's all worth it. This pep talk is always effective, and not to mention my husband tells me constantly the right things I need to hear as well. I'm just so grateful for the things I have experienced and learned and I can't wait to be overwhelmed all over again once this baby comes!